Well all I can say is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! (that is me screaming!!) First let me start by saying, this day is hell!! Complete hell! I really need to vent so get prepared girls. First my day was crazy crazy busy. Everyone seemed to be calling my name. Then I was late getting our company deposit to the bank and on the way back to the office there was a pot hole and in that pot hole was a big bolt just waiting to stick in my tire. Ugh!! So I had to go get that fixed because if it fell out then I would get a major flat. It was starting to lose air really fast. Luckily all my company's customers are car shops. So I went to my favorite one that does lots of business with us and they fixed it for free luckily. So at least one good thing. But then when I got home I wanted to talk to my hubby and first thing in the door, I was talking and then he ran up stairs and said "hold on." Well I thought he was coming right back, but he was upstairs watching tv and on the computer just chilling. I was like I was in the middle of talking with you about my day and you always seem to ignore me. I don't know if that is true, but I feel like I can never be heard. Am I suppose to just always leave him alone, like never talk with him about my day? Well I told him I never feel like I am heard or cared about like with the topic of conversation I wanna say. He told me all I was doing was starting to cause a fight. Which wasn't true. I was just hurt by him always ignoring me. Its nothing new. If he is even listening its because he is pretending and can't really tell me what we just talked about. Well when my hubby gets mad he can't hold in his anger and just wanted to leave, well I didn't want him too because he needs to learn to talk. Maybe I am wrong with all of this. Maybe I am crazy to write all this blah blah blah, but I need to vent to someone who will listen. I can't call my parents cause if we make up then they will hate him for being like this to me, so its hard when you don't have any super close girlfriends. I have one really good one, but I hate to bother them. I don't know. Well this time he said something about being tired of my nagging and pushing all the time that he didn't want to be married anymore. I don't know if he just said it out of anger. But then it hurt me and I said I didn't want to be married either because he treated me like crap and it didn't really matter whether I was here or not. IT got me to thinking and doubting as we do when were stressed. Like do I really wanna stay married if we always fight like this? Or am I just terrified to start over again? Will I find anyone better? I don't know if I am over thinking or what...I mean this fight it worse then it sounds I guess from what I just typed out, but I really don't know what to do.
Well I just needed to vent so thank you!! Hopefully we will have made up soon and I can report good news, but honestly I am getting tired of crying to myself and being so depressed trying to fall asleep so I don't know what to do this time really....
What I ate today:
B- 3 eggs scrambled with cheese + 3 slices of bacon + coffee
L- Spinach salad with fiber one cottage cheese, cucumbers, tuna mixed with mayo, and a little helping of ranch
D- Hamburger patty with veggies on the side (that is if I can eat it) because right now I just wanna sleep and wake up in a new day of happiness.