Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Week 13 Day 2

Well all I can say is ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! (that is me screaming!!)  First let me start by saying, this day is hell!!  Complete hell!  I really need to vent so get prepared girls.  First my day was crazy crazy busy.  Everyone seemed to be calling my name.  Then I was late getting our company deposit to the bank and on the way back to the office there was a pot hole and in that pot hole was a big bolt just waiting to stick in my tire.  Ugh!!  So I had to go get that fixed because if it fell out then I would get a major flat.  It was starting to lose air really fast.  Luckily all my company's customers are car shops.  So I went to my favorite one that does lots of business with us and they fixed it for free luckily.  So at least one good thing.  But then when I got home I wanted to talk to my hubby and first thing in the door, I was talking and then he ran up stairs and said "hold on." Well I thought he was coming right back, but he was upstairs watching tv and on the computer just chilling.  I was like I was in the middle of talking with you about my day and you always seem to ignore me.  I don't know if that is true, but I feel like I can never be heard.  Am I suppose to just always leave him alone, like never talk with him about my day?  Well I told him I never feel like I am heard or cared about like with the topic of conversation I wanna say.  He told me all I was doing was starting to cause a fight.  Which wasn't true.  I was just hurt by him always ignoring me.  Its nothing new.  If he is even listening its because he is pretending and can't really tell me what we just talked about.  Well when my hubby gets mad he can't hold in his anger and just wanted to leave, well I didn't want him too because he needs to learn to talk.  Maybe I am wrong with all of this.  Maybe I am crazy to write all this blah blah blah, but I need to vent to someone who will listen.  I can't call my parents cause if we make up then they will hate him for being like this to me, so its hard when you don't have any super close girlfriends.  I have one really good one, but I hate to bother them.  I don't know.  Well this time he said something about being tired of my nagging and pushing all the time that he didn't want to be married anymore.  I don't know if he just said it out of anger.  But then it hurt me and I said I  didn't want to be married either because he treated me like crap and it didn't really matter whether I was here or not.  IT got me to thinking and doubting as we do when were stressed.  Like do I really wanna stay married if we always fight like this?  Or am I just terrified to start over again?  Will I find anyone better?  I don't know if I am over thinking or what...I mean this fight it worse then it sounds I guess from what I just typed out, but I really don't know what to do.

Well  I just needed to vent so thank you!!  Hopefully we will have made up soon and I can report good news,  but honestly I am getting tired of crying to myself and being so depressed trying to fall asleep so I don't know what to do this time really....

What I ate today:

B- 3 eggs scrambled with cheese + 3 slices of bacon + coffee
L- Spinach salad with fiber one cottage cheese, cucumbers, tuna mixed with mayo, and a little helping of ranch
D- Hamburger patty with veggies on the side (that is if I can eat it) because right now I just wanna sleep and wake up in a new day of happiness.

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  1. Lindsay - you can always call me and talk when ever you need a shoulder. I can totally understand, because I have the same problem sometimes. I think all married people do. That happy and still madly in love after 35 years in bs and only in the movies.
    Sometimes the love you have does concur all.
    GUys just don't understand most of the time.
    I'm here if you need me - (---) Big Hug :-)

  2. Thank you Rosalie :) I didn't want to bother ya, I figured typing it out would help somewhat. Yea movie love is BS compared to real life love. Me and my hubby been together 5 years and it gets hard through the life stresses and taking thing out on one another but I hope it gets easier when we learn to work better with each other. My hubby never seems to understand. His ways of being brought up and ideas of life are so drastically different then mine. That is what happens when you fall in love too fast and don't really know the person you married. I guess I will learn to work with his crazy personality. I hope ;)

  3. Lindsay, Set boundaries for what you can accept, and boundaries for what you can not. Whatever you do, don't think you are the "crazy" one. Be kind to yourself, expect kindness from others. Good luck! I have been married to my husband for just under 11 years. It has been the most peaceful 11 years of my 54! There are good men:) He just may need you to be more clear about your expectations.

  4. Holy crap Lindsay you had a crazy day! It's good you vented to all of us cuz we care and we are here for you. I know what you mean about not wanting to bother your good friends I tried to get a hold of a friend on fri and she was "too busy".

    Anyway fights always suck and people say things they don't mean. It must be hard since hubby was brought up different and sees things differently.

    My folks gave my hubby and I some tapes by Emerson Eggerichs called Love and Respect...he helps explain men and women and how men need respect and women need love. Anyway they are sooo helpful, I stronly suggest you google him. They are from a Christian point of view but they are not preachy and the info is great for whatever your beliefs are. Hang in there, and continue to share we all care about you!

  5. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is another good book. Forgot the author, but was a bestseller forever. It has some good things to know, because Men do process things so differently than women do. They are wired way more simple:) No one ever told me a thing about how men think, so just cracking a little book, helped a little bit. They are still hard to deal with! HeHe, as you would say. Love you, be true to yourself. Soak in a hot tub of water, with Lavender Salts, this is my remedy. And this too shall pass.

  6. Thank you girls!! I will definitely check out those two books/cds that you both suggested. They sound interesting. Well I would read them, but I know my hubby won't. I do know he needs respect and space, but he expects to much space sometimes I think. I know he is more simple minded then myself. I am more complex, but don't know how to not get mad when he keeps ignoring, not listening and forgetting so many things. Its hard because I feel very alone at home sometimes. I am tired of the same things over and over. I am just exhausted really. I know he wants respect because he throws that word around all the time, but I need respect and love as well and when will I get it? Why if he doesn't have to follow the rules, do I? I want children and he does too, but he sees bringing them up so different because the background and different culture he is from. How do you compromise on that? How do you compromise on a lot of things in marriage? Its hard to come to those conclusions.